toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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