Betty ford says i'm here all night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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