you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
