remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
