I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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