Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
