He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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