I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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