so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
