I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
