Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
