My friends, they love my intelligence
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
