Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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