fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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