I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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