I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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