I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize