I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
