i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think your dad took our porno
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
