Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
