By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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