you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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