I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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