so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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