he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
