we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
