If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
