im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
