Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
