At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
