I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
