every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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