he thought i was a dude.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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