So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
