her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is my gift to your gina
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