Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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