I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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