He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
