You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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