So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize