I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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