Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
