New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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