After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
