im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i out mim tonsoeep
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