so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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