I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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