awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
