There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
