there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize