just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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