i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My life is pants optional.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
