Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
