So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
