morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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