She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
