I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize