I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
