No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
