how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
