i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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