Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
