I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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