i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
