I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
