a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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