So drunk its hurt
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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