take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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