i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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