i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
