I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
