Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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