I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
