I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
