Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
