Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize